FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6: JASON LIVES! (1986)

 

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6: JASON LIVES (1986)

DIR: TOM McLOUGHLIN

SYNOPSIS:

TOMMY JARVIS visits the burial ground of JASON to dispose of the body once and for all, but inadvertently brings him back to life instead. The newly revived killer once again seeks revenge, and TOMMY may be the only one who can defeat him.

REVIEW:

PART 6 represents another round of “firsts” for the series; it’s the first time actual kids are present for summer camp, the first time the director has also been the writer, the first time JASON can be accurately described as a supernatural killer, the first time the series acknowledged the fact that it was all getting a bit stupid, and the first (and last) time JOHN TRAVOLTA’s nephew was in a reputable production prior to PHANTOM OF THE MALL. It’s also the first time the franchise dipped in and out of being a straight up comedy; a fact only reinforced by the appearance of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD’s THOM MATHEWS as TOMMY JARVIS.

While we’re on the subject, fuck this movie’s JAMES BOND beginning, and fuck MARTIN the gravedigger looking right into the camera and saying “some folks got a strange idea of entertainment”. I know why I’m watching one of these movies, I don’t need you assholes judging me for my life decisions.

Plot wise, the residents of CRYSTAL LAKE (now called FOREST GREEN) just want to forget about the JASON killings, and the town cops are a couple of major assholes to TOMMY even before he tries to tell them that shit’s about to hit the fan. All I can say is thank fuck TOMMY JARVIS isn’t black. The presence of actual, real live kids adds a sinister touch to the proceedings too, the likes of which we haven’t really seen since PART 2.

This movie also has my second favourite final girl, MEGAN, who’s strong and sassy and knows when she wants to smash a guy’s face into her crotch.

PART 6 leans a little too heavily on the comedy for my liking, but I respect it in part for attempting something different. The action is at least consistent, even if some of the victims are introduced solely to be slaughtered rather than serving any greater narrative purpose.

Overall, it’s solid, if a little daft.

RATING: 🪓🪓🪓

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)

DIR: DANNY STEINMANN

SYNOPSIS:

Still haunted by his past, TOMMY JARVIS wonders if JASON is somehow connected to a series of brutal murders occurring in and around the secluded halfway house where he now lives.

REVIEW:

Remember yesterday? When I said “fuck you” about PART 4? Yeah, well fuck you TWICE! because I love PART 5. Unfairly maligned for being the sad and lonely tale of ROY the paramedic rather than a return of JASON himself, this at least brings something fresh to the table. It helps to think of PART 5 as more of an independent, murder-mystery film than an indispensable entry into FRIDAY canon (it’ll be all but forgotten about by the time we roll around to PART 6), and the choice to focus on a group of emotionally troubled teens who all live in a secluded half-way house (which includes the perpetually disturbed, now-adult TOMMY JARVIS), is a smart move, as it diverts the attention away from simply waiting for the next round of murders.

I may encounter a bit of resistance to this, but the teens in this movie really do seem more multi-dimensional than we’ve seen in previous movies, and, dare I venture an emotion, you actually care about who lives and who dies such is the strength of the performances. Even the teens who have the least to do in the beginning end up with sympathetic story arcs (particularly poor ol’ JAKE, who gets unceremoniously rejected when he confesses his love for fellow patient ROBIN, herself as regretful at how she handled it as JAKE understandably is). I dunno, I like these nuts.

Partially let down by the now par-for-the-course appearance of whacky characters doing whacky things in whacky situations, but inexorably elevated by a short appearance from MIGUEL NÚÑEZ JNR. and his cursed enchilada, PART 5 is the ugly duckling of the franchise that deserves a chance to become a beautiful swan in your mind.

RATING: 🪓🪓🪓🪓

FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 4: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)

DIR: JOSEPH ZITO

SYNOPSIS:

After being mortally wounded at the end of PART 3 and taken to the morgue, murderer JASON spontaneously revives and embarks on a killing spree as he makes his way back to his home at CRYSTAL LAKE.

REVIEW:

Gonna catch some flack for this…

…I don’t rate PART 4. I know, I know, fuck you. I don’t care. I. DON’T. CARE. It takes a thousand years for JASON to make his way from the morgue back to CRYSTAL LAKE and in the meantime, I’m having to listen to CRISPIN GLOVER whine and complain like he’s been friendzoned by reality itself, which is hardly surprising since he’s as awkward and irritating as having to ask a relative to remove the ketchup bottle you’ve intentionally rammed into your asshole. His infamous dance sequence during the movie is more uncomfortable to watch than 9/11 footage and, somehow, only 20% as funny. So fuck CRISPIN GLOVER and fuck the pacing of this movie.

So, what’s good about this flick? Well, there’s still plenty to like if I’m totally honest. TOM SAVINI returns to the franchise on gore effects, CORY FELDMAN makes his first of two appearances as legacy character TOMMY JARVIS, and dishy, 80’s dream-boat PETER BARTON gets massacred in the shower. FUN FACT: this is the last F13 movie to pick up immediately after the events of the film which preceded it. ALSO FUN FACT: I still can’t work out if the line “OH! HE’S KILLING ME!” is heart wrenching or utterly hilarious.

Like I said yesterday, there’s no such thing as a bad FRIDAY THE 13TH movie. I honestly believe that, and that applies just as much to PART 4 as it does to, say, JASON GOES TO HELL; both movies just fail to scratch that itch for me, but if PART 4 is your jam, that’s cool. But fuck CRISPIN GLOVER all the same.

RATING: 🪓🪓

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 (1982)

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 (1982)

DIR: STEVE MINER

SYNOPSIS:

Having survived the wounds sustained in PART 2, JASON takes refuge at a cabin near CRYSTAL LAKE. As a new group of co-eds arrive for their vacation, JASON once again goes out on the stab…

REVIEW:

It’s all change for PART 3 of the franchise as JASON gets himself a new look and HARRY MANFREDINI creates HORROR-DISCO during the trippy title sequence.

If PART 2 was the first draft for how you think of a typical camp-slasher, PART 3 sets it in stone. Sure, this is the first part of the franchise where JASON dons his famous hockey mask, but it’s also the part where he changes out of his country bumpkin denim dungarees and into what I always call his “work clothes”. Never mind that JASON lifts his new duds from HAROLD, a man around a foot shorter and 285lbs heavier, this is, in theory, the same shit he’ll wear from now until JASON X; and I’d wager strongly that HAROLD’s wife never imagined that her husband’s clothes would one day be going into space when she hung them on the line to dry.

PART 3 is also notable for; a) being the first instalment in the franchise to feature zany, comic-relief scenes rather than pinning all of its efforts to manufacture levity solely on the appearance of the huckster/prankster character (in this movie’s case, SHELLEY, the emotionally disabled, socially awkward, human Mongoose), b) having marginally (and I mean MARGINALLY) better 3-D effects than JAWS 3, and c) the addition of this…fucking really weird JASON sexual assault sub-plot which appears during a confusing, semi-coherent flashback sequence. Thank God they dropped that shit like a hot potato before it got any grosser.

PART 3 is a solid addition to the franchise which features some wicked kills, some disturbing and creepy moments, and one of the best soundtracks of the entire run. Oh, and also fuck SHELLEY. Don’t defend that asshole.

RATING: 🪓🪓🪓🪓

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)

 

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)

DIR: STEVE MINER

SYNOPSIS:

Set five years after the events of the first movie, Mrs. Voorhees is dead, and Camp Crystal Lake is shut down; however, a neighbouring camp is being stalked by an unknown assailant.

REVIEW:

It’s JASON. The nearby camp is being stalked by JASON. There’s literally no need to sell this one as anything other than what it is; JASON’s murderous debut.

It’s not worth trying to work out the timeline of these movies. The implication here is that JASON is alive and well, and living in a rudimentary shack out in the woods. Don’t worry, I’ll say it for you; it’s dumb. It’s fucking so dumb. BUT I love this movie. It’s my absolute favourite of the entire franchise. It’s something of a perfect balance, whereby it retains the sincerity and the chills of the first movie but incorporates more of the slaughter you immediately think of when anyone mentions JASON or the franchise as a whole. It’s also pretty low on the zany humour that later entries would incorporate and that’s just fine with me.

Special mention needs to go to the character of TED, the gangly, gawky, awkward comic-relief character, and one of the few counsellors to never see the sharp side of JASON’s axe/machete/hedge strimmer, but debatably one of the counsellors who deserved it the most. Every single frame of this movie in which TED appears physically makes the shit in my asshole itch. He avoids an axe blow by staying on in the nearby town in search of beer and gash, and the thought of his stringy, milky-white body contorted in the throes of sexual ecstasy is more hideous and more grotesque than the crimes of JASON themselves.

So, the kills in PART 2 are 👌🏼, the final-girl in PART 2 is 👌🏼, the assorted girls at the camp are 👌🏼 and the infamous wheel-chair murder is 👌🏼👌🏼. It’s crazier than PART 1, but genuinely chilling in places;

“Paul, there’s someone in this room…”

RATING: 🪓🪓🪓🪓🪓